40 Lessons I Learned Before Turning 40: Lesson 01

Lesson 01: It’s okay to cry.

I wasn't someone who cried easily. Even when things hurt, I would usually keep it to myself, carry on, and tell myself that I'll be fine. I thought that's what being strong meant. Don't fall apart. Don't let people see you hurting. Just deal with it and keep going. And for almost my whole life, I was quite good at it. Until life gave me things I couldn't simply “deal with.”

I remember one night I was alone in my car, somewhere in a parking lot. It was raining outside. No one was with me. It was just me, sitting there in the dark, with everything I had been holding in.

And then I cried. Not just a few tears. I cried my heart out, the kind where you can barely breathe. It was overwhelming. Almost frightening, because I don't think I had ever allowed myself to feel that much all at once. I honestly don't know how to describe that feeling. It felt like everything I had kept buried for so long had finally found a way out. For once, I didn't stop myself. I didn't tell myself to be strong. I didn't wipe my tears and pretend I was okay. It was painful but strangely, it was also relieving. Because for the first time, I wasn't fighting myself. I wasn't telling myself to be strong. I wasn't trying to make sense of everything. I just let myself hurt.

And I think that was the moment life finally taught me something I had spent years refusing to learn, that crying is not weakness.

I still don't cry often. But now I know that if the tears come, I don't have to fight them.

I learned the hard way that sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is stop holding everything in.

It’s okay to cry.